Funny Southern Quotes About Good Cooking

Stephanie shows off her quirky sense of humor past taking a new slant on various current topics.

Whatcha gonna do when the crick runs dry? — Whatcha gonna practice when the crick runs dry?

Stephanie Henkel

Translating Southern Sayings

As a transplanted Yankee living in the South, I am often surprised and amazed past the colorful Southern expressions I hear. Of course, at that place are the good old standbys we all know and love, like "yous" and "downwards yonder." Simply the richness of Southern speech goes far beyond one or ii-give-and-take expressions. In that location'south a Southern expression for every occasion.

While their images and colloquialisms tickle the funny bone, Southern expressions usually convey exactly what the speaker intended. No one tin can fault the intent and meaning of "I'm going to jerk a knot in your tail!" On the other paw, in that location are some Southernisms that information technology might take a Yankee like me years to figure out without a translator.

For example, here is an expression I've never ever heard above the Mason-Dixon line: "That possum's on the stump!" (Translation: That's as good every bit it gets!)

Or this one: "His eye is a thumpin' gizzard." (Translation: He'due south cold-hearted and cruel.)

Whether yous are from another function of the state or from some other country birthday, I hope you savour this collection of Southern sayings.

When a Southerner Gets Aroused

He'southward got a burr in his saddle.
His knickers are in a knot.
She'south pitching a hissy fit.
She's pitching a hissy fit with a tail on it. (When she's more pissed off.)
He has a duck fit. (One step to a higher place a hissy fit.)
She has a dying duck fit. (Translation: Run and hide!)

Southern Sayings About Bad Character

You lot're lower than a snake'due south belly in a wagon oestrus.
He's slicker'n owl sh*t.
She's meaner than a wet panther.
He's a snake in the grass.
Why, that egg-suckin' dawg!
Worthless every bit mucilage on a kicking heel!

When Southerners Are Busy

I been running all over hell'south half acre.
She's busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor.
I'one thousand as busy as a ane-legged true cat in a sandbox.
Busier than a moth in a mitten!

Running like a headless chicken. — Running similar a headless chicken.

Stephanie Henkel

Southern Sayings About Conceit and Vanity

She's and so stuck upward, she'd drown in a rainstorm.
She'southward stuck up higher than a light-pole.
She has her nose so loftier in the air she could drown in a rainstorm.
He thinks the sun comes upwards just to hear him crow.

(Most of these comments are made most women. Evidently, Southern men are not stuck upwardly.)

Southern Expressions About Existence Cheap

He squeezes a quarter so tight the eagle screams.
He's tighter than a bull'south ass at fly time.
Tighter than a flea's donkey over a rain barrel.
He's and so inexpensive he wouldn't give a nickel to see Jesus ridin' a bicycle.

Southern Phrases About Being Broke or Poor

Also poor to paint, also proud to whitewash.
I'm as poor as a church mouse.
I'm so poor I can't afford to pay attention.
He was then poor, he had a tumbleweed as a pet.
I couldn't buy a hummingbird on a string for a nickel.
I'm so poor I couldn't jump over a nickel to save a dime.
He doesn't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.

Gyre to Continue

Dressed Too Scantily? They Volition Say

Those pants were so tight I could see her religion.
Her pants are so tight that if she farts information technology'll blow her boots off
You're gonna have old and new-monia dressed similar that!
Lawd, people volition be able to come across to Christmas!
Law, pull that down! Nosotros kin see clear to the promised land!

Southerners Experiencing a Drought Might Say

It's so dry out the copse are bribing the dogs.
I swan, you all musta pissed God off somehow. It's drier than a popcorn fart 'round these parts. (Translation: Ya got me... I don't know what a popcorn fart is!)

Confused? In the Due south, They Might Say

He doesn't know whether to cheque his ass or scratch his sentinel.
He couldn't find his ass with both hands in his back pockets.
He's about as confused as a fart in a fan manufacturing plant.
She'southward lost every bit terminal year'south Easter egg.

(As nosotros Yankees say, "These people don't know which way is up.")

Southerners Know Happiness When They See It

He's as happy as if he had proficient sense.
Happier than ol' Blue layin' on the porch chewin' on a big ol' catfish head.
Happy as a dead pig in the sunshine. (Translation: Apparently pretty happy.)
Grinnin' similar a possum eatin' a sweet potato.
Well that simply dills my pickle.

Expressions About Laziness

Won't hitting a lick at a serpent. (Translation: And then lazy he wouldn't hunt a snake away.)
He's about equally useful as a steering cycle on a mule.

Irritation Brings Out Some Creative Southern Expressions

She gets my goose.
He just makes my donkey itch!
Yankees are like hemorrhoids: Pain in the barrel when they come down and always a relief when they go back up.
That would make a bishop mad enough to kicking in stained glass windows.
She could make a preacher cuss!
She could piss off the pope.
If you don't stop that crying, I'll give you something to weep well-nigh!
Who licked the red off your processed?
She could showtime an statement in an empty house.
He'due south nigh as useless equally a screen door on a submarine/a trapdoor on a canoe.
That makes near as much sense every bit tits on a balderdash.
Quit goin' effectually your ass to get to your elbow.

Colorful Southern Expressions About Liars

Don't piss on my leg and tell me information technology's rainin'!
Don't pee down my back and tell me it'south raining.
That canis familiaris won't hunt.
You're lyin' like a no-legged canis familiaris!
If his lips's movin', he's lyin'.
You'd call an alligator a lizard.
That man is talking with his tongue out of his shoe.
He's every bit windy every bit a sack full of farts.

(The most creative expression about liars I've heard in the North is "Lying like a rug." Southerners have much more colorful ways of accusing a liar.)

Southernisms Nigh Stupidity

If that boy had an thought, information technology would die of loneliness.
The porch light'southward on, but no one's home.
He's only got one oar in the water.
If brains were leather, he wouldn't have enough to saddle a junebug.
He'southward so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss.
He hasn't got the sense God gave a goose.
When the Lord was handin' out brains, that fool idea God said trains, and he passed 'cause he don't like to travel.
His brain rattles effectually like a BB in a boxcar.
There's a tree stump in a Louisiana swamp with a college IQ.
Then dumb he couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.
He don't know s**t from shinola. (Now this one I've heard in New Jersey....)
If his brains were dynamite, he couldn't accident his nose.
I was born at nighttime, only not last dark! (I'm not that stupid!)

He is so dumb, he could throw himself on the ground and miss. — He is so dumb, he could throw himself on the basis and miss.

If You Hear These Southern Expressions, You Improve Lookout man Out

Either somebody's in existent problem, or there's a fight brewing if you hear...

I'thou gonna cutting your tail!
I'grand gonna jerk her baldheaded!
Go on information technology upward and I'll cancel your birth document.
I am going to wiggle a knot in your tail.
You don't know dip sh** from apple butter!
Me-n-you are gonna mix.
Y'all don't scout out, I'm gonna foam yo' corn.
You better give your centre to Jesus, 'crusade your butt is mine.
I'll slap yous to sleep, then slap you for sleeping.
I'm gonna tan your hide.
I'll knock you into the eye of side by side calendar week looking both means for Dominicus!
I'll knock y'all so hard you'll meet tomorrow today.

Southern Expressions for Speed (Fast or Slow)

Faster than a one-legged homo in a butt-kicking competition.
Faster than green grass through a goose.
Faster than a hot pocketknife through butter.
Slower than a Sunday afternoon.
Yous took as long every bit a month of Sundays.
Nosotros're off like a herd of turtles.
He ran like a scalded haint. (I don't know what a "haint" is, but obviously a scalded one can run really fast!)
It happened faster than a knife fight in a telephone booth.

Ugly or Looking Bad?

Now these are really unkind, but funny as heck!

He's so ugly, he didn't get striking with the ugly stick, he got whopped with the whole woods!
He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every co-operative on the manner down.
And then ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt route.
And so ugly he'd scare a buzzard off a gut pile.
She's then ugly I'd rent her to haunt a house!
If I had a dog as ugly equally y'all, I'd shave his barrel and make him walk backwards.
She is so ugly, her face would turn sweet milk to clabber.
She was and so ugly when she was born that her momma used to borrow a babe to take to church on Sunday

When the ugliness is just temporary:

I feel like I've been chewed up and spit out.
I feel like I been 'et by a wolf and sh** over a cliff.
He looks like ten miles of bad road.
You expect like you've been rode hard and put up wet!

If he were an inch taller, he'd be round.

Southern Observations About...

Weight

He's so skinny, if he stood sideways and stuck out his natural language, he'd look like a attachment.
She'south and so skinny, you can't even see her shadow.
She'southward spread out similar a cold supper.
If he were an inch taller, he'd be round.

Wealth

Sh**tin' in high cotton.
He's richer'n Croesus.
He'south and then rich he buys a new boat when he gets the other one wet.

Proficient Looking Guys and Gals

Fine equally frog hair split four ways!
She's pretty every bit a pumpkin but half equally smart.

Being Hungry

I'm and then hungry my belly thinks my throat'due south been cutting.
I could eat the north stop of a s-spring polecat.
I'm and so hungry I could eat the north end of a s-bound goat.

Being Well-Fed or Good Food

Total as a tick.
Put that on top of your head and your natural language would vanquish your brains out trying to get to it

Being Suprised

These are probably some of my very favorites!

Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
Well, slap my caput and telephone call me featherbrained!

When Something Smells Really Bad

He smelled bad plenty to gag a maggot.
Something smells bad enough to knock a dog off a gut wagon.

Colorful Expressions About the Weather

Like some of the other Southern phrases, a few of these might not exist appropriate in mixed company.

Colder than a well digger'due south butt in January.
It was colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra.
That rain was a real frogwash.
It rained like a cow pissin' on a apartment rock.
Hotter than blue blazes.
Information technology'south colder than a penguin'southward assurance.
Information technology's hotter than two rabbits screwin' in a wool sock!
Information technology's cold enough to freeze the balls off a puddle table.
Colder than a banker's middle on foreclosure 24-hour interval at the widows' and orphans' abode.
It's been hotter'northward a caprine animal's butt in a pepper patch.
It'south cold enough to freeze the tit off a frog.
It is hotter than a jalapeño's coochie.

All-Purpose Southern Expressions We Couldn't Exercise Without

Y'all.
All y'all.
Down yonder.
Anoint your pea-pickin' little centre!
Kiss my go-to-hell.
I wouldn't walk across the street to piss on him if he was on fire.
If you can't run with the big dogs, stay under the porch.
Why so sad? Did Chevrolet stop makin' trucks?
Deep in the South where sushi is notwithstanding called allurement.
He'due south about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
That sticks in your throat like a hair in a biscuit.
You're and then fulla s**t your optics are dark-brown.
He was as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.
He couldn't behave a tune if he had a bucket with a lid on information technology.

The Southern word for "sushi" is "bait." — The Southern give-and-take for "sushi" is "bait."

Southern Slang


Give-and-take	Lexical category	Translation	Example
bread basket	substantive	stomach	His breadstuff basket is bigger than a bread basket, if y'all know what I mean.
britches	substantive	pants	HIs britches are and so tight they make his legs expect like hot dogs.
cattywampus	adjective	beveled or awry; cockeyed	The storm knocked the clothes on the clothesline all cattywampus!
fetch/fetching	verb/adjective	go go/adept looking	I'thou gonna fetch me the most fetching colt I tin find.
fixin'	verb	getting ready	I'm fixin' to fix the porch door afterwards I finish this sweet tea.
gussied up	adjective	dressed up; fancy	She'south and so gussied up you'd think it was a beauty competition.
hankerin'	verb or noun	hunger or yearning	I have a hankerin' for biscuits and gravy.
highfalutin'	adjective	fancy, pompous, or pretentious	He'south so highfalutin' he thinks his sh*t tastes like sherbert.
lick	substantive	a small amount	I can't hear a lick with all this hooplah.
piddlin'	adjective or verb	fiddling, puttering, or pottering around	Quit your piddlin' and get to work!
plumb	describing word	entirely, completely	She'due south plumb crazy.
ruckus	substantive	a disturbance or commotion	He fabricated such a ruckus he woke the possums.
skedaddle	verb	run away; hurry	You lot better skedaddle before yous get caught!
uppity	adjective	haughty, arrogant	He'southward so uppity he deserves a PhD in snobbery.
whup	verb	whip or beat	I'm gonna whup you lot where the sun don't shine!

Southern Expression Poll

That'southward All She Wrote...

Well, that's all she wrote, you lot. I've looked all over hell and half of Georgia to find the all-time and funniest Southern sayings for all y'all, and I certain hope they tickled you equally much as they tickled me.

And if y'all take whatever more fine Southern sayings, well, bless yer pea pickin' hearts, just allow 'er rip, tater chip, and jot them down in the comments section beneath. I'one thousand but happier than a dead sus scrofa in sunshine to have all y'all visiting me here today and taking the time to sit awhile and share your thoughts.

If you enjoyed this, be certain to bank check out More than Funny Southern Sayings and Southernisms from Readers.

Yankees just tin can't laissez passer for Southerners!

Questions & Answers

Question: Don't you lot think the "pants so tight y'all tin tell his religion" refers to men and circumcision?

Answer: No, I don't. By and large, I have non heard comments about men's pants at all.

Question: I didn't grow upwards in the south, simply I did grow up a country boy in Iowa. Almost all of these sayings were part of my growing up. The i saying which I truly don't understand is "Well, bless your heart". Some people say it's a derogatory statement, others take told me it's a skilful thing. What gives?

Respond: "Bless your heart" is sort of an all-purpose expression. It tin can be used to hateful anything from, "you sweet matter" to "you're an idiot".

For example, "She takes such good care of her elderly momma and daddy, bless her middle." or

"He doesn't have the sense to come in out of the rain, bless his center."

Information technology is just 1 of those sayings that you have to hear in context to sympathize what meaning is intended.

Question: Have you lot heard anyone say "Oh, my hind foot!"? My female parent and aunts used to say this if they idea someone was telling a tall tale. I've said it then often to my g nieces equally they were growing up, this expression is now used by the girls. Any idea where this one originated?

Answer: I don't know where this expression originated, simply, yes, I have heard it. There is another similar expression that is commonly used, but is a little more than vulgar. I recollect the "oh, my hind foot" expression is just a cleaned up version of, "oh, my a**."

Question: Happy as a lart? I've heard the expression 100 times only not certain if lart is the right word or if I've been misunderstanding

Respond: I believe that the expression is "Happy every bit a lark", a bird noted for information technology's cheerful, happy vocal.

Question: Would delight explicate the expression 'speak of the devil,' and verify that information technology is a Southern saying?

Respond: "Speak of the devil" is part of the expression, "Speak of the devil and he shall appear." The expression is used when 1 is speaking about a person who is absent so suddenly shows up. It was besides once used to warn against saying the devil'due south name for fear he would announced.

The expression is old and could have originated every bit an old English proverb. It is not a particularly a Southern maxim.

Question: What does the phrase "he's dumber than a mud fence" hateful?

Answer: Pretty impaired!

Question: What does information technology mean when people offset a sentence with "police force?" I've enjoyed reading these. I lived in Alabama in the early fifties afterwards living my first few years in Brazil, Ginny, I assumed everyone the US spoke similar this back then.

Answer: I think that "constabulary" is actually a form of "Lord", perhaps calling on the lord tor help or understanding.

Question: Do you have any insight on where the expression "I'm going to the house" comes from? Also, do you have any good comebacks when someone asks you, "What exercise yous know?"

Reply: "I'1000 going to the house" is such a common expression, I'yard non sure information technology originated in any specific region.

"What do you know?" It's always been a rhetorical question, merely I imagine someone with a quick wit could come up with a funny, sarcastic answer. I haven't heard any particular witty comebacks lately, though, have yous?

Question: What is the meaning of the Southern saying "Low in the hole"?

Reply: I have not heard that one before, but I would guess that it means "keep your head downwards if you want to avert trouble". Peradventure information technology's a term carried over from wartime when soldiers hid in foxholes to avoid enemy fire?

Question: Is in that location a southern way to say Merry Christmas?

Reply: Aye, Merry Christmas.

Question: What does "Wake with the South In My Mouth" mean? Does that hateful a Southern accent?

Answer: I oasis't heard that expression, just your explanation sounds likely.

Question: What does it hateful when someone says "You lot're sexier than socks on a rooster"?

Answer: I guess you're pretty sexy!

Question: Peachy collection y'all have hither. I am from the south and accept always enjoyed the expression "smile like a jack-donkey eating briars" when someone is overly proud of themselves or just has a silly grin on their face. I also similar sarcastically stating something is "as pretty as a spotted poodle with the pink mange." My question though is about the exclamation "Well my lands!" or "Oh my lands!" Practice you have whatever thought of its origin?

Answer: I've heard the expression often. "Oh, my lands," or "land sakes," seems to be a deliberate commutation for Lord, a minced adjuration.

Question: I'm from Northern Alabama. Hither in Appalachia, we've heard all of these and many more. I expression that I've never been able to detect was 1 used in my family. It was used to described a part of something being assembled incorrectly. Instance: "That'due south not going to work, son. Y'all've got that function on there Incorrect Sudadderds." (Spelling a phonetic guess). Any idea?

Answer: I've never heard the expression "wrong sudadderds", simply it's an interesting way of saying "assbackwards!"

Question: What does the southern saying "yuns" mean?

Answer: Yuns is a shortened version of "you ones", similar to "you all".

Question: Is there a maxim for that pleasant time around dusk when the temperature cools off in a few minutes, in a pleasant mode?

Answer: I but came across a word in a Dean Koontz book that I'm reading that might exist what you are looking for: "darkling" or "darkle". Information technology's not a southern expression, but might fit the bill.

Question: Do you retrieve that "anoint her/your/his heart" is an insult?

Answer: Well... it all depends on who is saying it and the intention. Information technology tin definitely be a softly worded insult, or it tin can mean something very complimentary.

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